Hi Reader,
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If you’re like other athletes and coaches I’ve been working with lately, your relationship with competition might be changing. And if that’s freaking you out a little, you’re definitely not alone. 😅
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Over the past few years, I’ve been navigating some of my own shifts in the cycling space. I used to LOVE working toward higher power numbers and upgrade points. I loved the process of traveling for races, combing through my results and the results of my competitors, and strategizing races based on the course features and events.
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In recent years, however, that has faded alongside a number of other shifts in my life—some of which were personal, and others professional. I left road racing a few years ago unexpectedly after flying over the handlebars in a severe crash. And interestingly enough, the crash itself didn’t prompt a clear decision where I knew I was done. I just…never went back. And then I realized I didn’t miss it. It was weirdly anticlimactic.
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Maybe your shifts have happened after losing someone you love, or after an injury that wouldn’t heal the way you hoped. Maybe during a global pandemic, a cross-country move, or becoming a parent. Whatever the catalyst, something shifted. The fire that once drove you to chase podiums and PRs? It’s may be different now. Quieter. Or even MIA.
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And here’s the part no one warns us about: you might be grieving the competitor you used to be. Plot twist, right? 😢

The Science Behind Why This Is Totally Normal

Researchers have a name for this experience: ambiguous loss. It’s grief without a clear ending, the kind that shows up when someone you love is diagnosed with a severe illness. The kind that shows up when something you loved about yourself changes, even when nothing technically “died.”
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And here’s what’s interesting (to me, anyway): athletes who built their entire identity around sport tend to experience significantly higher rates of anxiety and depression during transitions. But the transition itself doesn’t have to be retirement. Life-altering events like grief, trauma, major life changes, or even natural developmental shifts can trigger the same identity recalibration.
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Here’s what’s important: The problem isn’t that your athletic identity is shifting. However, it becomes a problem if your athletic identity is your only identity. You’re supposed to change as life changes you. 💙

What Actually Helps (And I Promise This Isn’t Just Fluffy Advice)

First things first: Stop assuming the shift means there’s something wrong with you. Your changing relationship with competition is simply a reflection of the fact that you’re a whole person responding to life circumstances.
👉🏻If you’ve experienced profound loss, your nervous system has been reorganized around that experience.
👉🏻If you’ve survived trauma, your threat-detection system recalibrated.
👉🏻If you’ve become a parent or caregiver, your priorities legitimately expanded.
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Of course your relationship with racing changed. You changed. And that’s okay!
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Here’s what research shows actually works:
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​1️⃣ Build a multifaceted identity NOW. Not because your athletic identity is “bad,” but because you are genuinely more than your FTP, your finish times, or your podium count. Ask yourself: Who am I outside of training and racing? What else brings me meaning? (And yes, poorly crocheted scarves and sourdough baking count.)
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​2️⃣ Practice grieving what’s shifting without rushing to “fix” it. You can simultaneously mourn the competitor you were AND embrace who you’re becoming. These aren’t mutually exclusive! Name what you’ve lost: “I miss the version of me who would suffer for a result.” Then ask: “What did I gain? What’s possible now that wasn’t before?” Self-compassion is your friend here.
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​3️⃣ Redefine what “showing up” means. You don’t have to match your previous competitive intensity to be an athlete. Participation looks different across a lifespan. Sometimes showing up means racing hard. Sometimes it means showing up to ride with friends. Sometimes it means choosing consistency over intensity. All of these count.
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​You loved that fierce, competitor version of yourself. I loved that part of me, too. And you can honor what that identity gave you while acknowledging it no longer fits the same way. The strange calm you might be feeling? The one that replaces the constant striving? That’s simply integration as you enter a new chapter of life.
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It’s what happens when you realize your worth isn’t tied to your watts or your race results. When you stop performing your identity and start living it. The version of you that no longer needs podiums to feel whole? That’s not less than the version that chased them.
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Want to dive deeper into the research and get more strategies for navigating this shift? (It’s a good one, I promise!)

Your turn: Hit reply and tell me, what version of yourself as an athlete are you grieving right now? Or what are you discovering about who you’re becoming?

🎙️This week of the Feisty Women’s Performance Podcast…

Dr. Rebecka Peebles and Nathalia Trees joined me in a conversation where they reveal how “weight suppression”—the gap between your highest lifelong weight and where you are now—is a powerful predictor of eating‑disorder severity, reshaping how we think about GLP‑1 meds.

🎧Listen now on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.​

Til next time,
Dr. A

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